RAMON PRESSON: ICYMI: I’ve provided the lyrics, you write the music, win prizes


RAMON PRESSON: ICYMI: I’ve provided the lyrics, you write the music, win prizes

I’m a writer, but I cannot read music, sing on key, or play an instrument.

With that level of musical ineptitude, I’m sure you’re wondering how I was approved for a rental apartment and a car tag when we moved here to Williamson County 15 years ago. I can only assume that the guy reviewing my residency application got distracted when I said I had written with Gary Chapman and he thought I meant the singer, Gary Chapman, whereas I was referring to The Five Love Languages author, Gary Chapman.

I’ve written some song lyrics for a friend of mine who frequently has back trouble. I want someone to put the words to music, play it, and record it on video so it can be shared. I believe this could be ZZ Top’s encore number on a future farewell tour but I can’t get Billy Gibbons to return my calls.

So, I’m making this a contest. Mark Bortz of Nashville Guitar Store will present the winner with a special guitar strap valued at $100. In keeping with the soothing the back theme of the song, Jeremiah Steinhauer, owner of Phoenix Massage Therapy, will give the winner a gift card for a 60-minute massage (value $90). Other prizes will be added next week.

Entries will be reviewed and judged by Brad Paisley, Ray Stevens, Cledus T. Judd, and myself. In the event that Paisley, Stevens, and Judd are not available because they will not respond to my emails, then I will be the judge along with Mark, Jeremiah, and a surprise celebrity judge to be named next week.

To Enter

Video record your entry and email it to ramonpresson@gmail.com by April 25. Solo acts are welcome, full bands will have an edge, and anyone backed by a full symphony orchestra will be a shoo-in to win.

The winner and myself will likely sign a recording contract with Sony Music and we’ll amicably split the royalties until we dispute it in court a few years from now. I’ll keep my day job as a counselor while our collaborated song, which was entirely my idea, effectively launches your music career into stardom. You’re welcome.

By the way, the singer with the last-place entry will win a voice lesson with Neil Young. No, you’ll actually be giving the voice lesson to Neil. Good luck with that.

BAD BACK BLUES

By Ramon Presson

 

My bad back is back,

And this Advil just ain’t no use.

I said my bad back is back,

And this Advil just ain’t no use.

I think I slipped a disc or something

And now I’m singing the Bad Back Blues.

I bent over to pick up something,

And my back wrenched up and won’t turn loose.

You know I bent over to pick up something,

And my back wrenched up and won’t turn loose.

Now I’m stuck on the couch watching Netflix,

Crying and singing the Bad Back Blues.

I hate to be complaining,

But my back goes out more than I do.

Yea, forgive my complaining,

But these days my back goes out more than I do.

While my friends are out having fun,

I’m housebound and singing the bad back blues.

I went down to the chiropractor

To see what he could do.

Ya’ll, I went down to my chiropractor,

Just to see what he could do.

That man he charged me a hundred dollars

And told me to just sing the Bad Back Blues.

I’ve spent hours on the Internet,

Looking up cures and looking for clues.

I’m so tired of surfing the web,

Looking up cures and looking up clues.

I think I’ll go to my grave

Still singing the bad back blues.

If the Lord doesn’t heal me

I’ll go to my grave

Still singing the bad back blues.

Ramon Presson, PhD, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Franklin (www.ramonpressontherapy.com) and the author of several books. Reach him at ramonpresson@gmail.com. To read Presson’s previous columns go to www.franklinhomepage.com/?s=ramon+presson

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